never meaning to send….!!!

In 2010 my husband of 9 years woke up one morning and told me he didn’t love me anymore and was leaving me.

5 years have passed and he is now with married to the woman I thought he was having an affair with and they are expecting a baby.

I’ve been challenged on my reaction to this news and previously by him telling me and others that I had never come to terms with the real reason he left, I thought I had, I thought I had moved on, but in dark moments I start to wonder if this is true, do you ever fully move on?  will there always be a connection and a part of me hoping, for whatever reason, that at some point he will realise the error his ways and ask to come back to me, or it is the Mr Hyde escaping in me that I hope it will also fail for them and then I know it was not me who was the baddy in our marriage.

I find writing a release to allow true feeling to escape into the written word in a manner I can never communicate verbally, probably because you can change what is written but once spoken it is always out there, open to interpretation and to be adjusted with times and memories.

My blog will be a series of letters to various people within my family, his and others who have helped or been part of this journey, they are not letters I ever meant on sending but it felt good at the time to write things down.  It does get easier in time, but I am not sure I will ever be completely pain and regret free, who knows…..

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